Fantasy Insanity

The First Win

2006-11-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

I have been straying away from the topic of my fantasy football team in this blog for the past couple weeks. The reason for this is it's hard to write about your 0-8 team without tumbling into a bleak hole of tragedy and despair. My personal distraction? The St. Louis Cardinals win the World Series and make all of my dreams come true. But now that the baseball season is over, all of my focus turns to the NFL, my terrible fantasy team and my ferocious Chicago Bears.

With that being said, now is the moment where I announce that my fantasy team finally won it's first game of the season! Almost as improbable as the Cardinals 2006 playoff run, my players decided that Week Nine was their time to shine. Javon Walker had two receiving touchdowns for 134 yards and one 72-yard rushing touchdown! Rudi Johnson and Corey Dillon both had touchdowns and Steve McNair threw a decent game to beat their division-rival Bengals. The fear of going winless for the season is now thankfully gone.

The reason I didn't get my first win until Week Nine is about 80 percent bad luck and 20 percent lack of coaching effort. When your fantasy team is terrible, there usually isn't any reason to spend transaction fees to make it better when you know the playoffs are a long shot. I've followed this viewpoint since Week 3 when I realized there was no chance to go all the way. As a result I would play players that were injured or doubtful to start in their game, etc.

Well I am here to tell you now that this strategy will continue throughout the rest of the season. I am a poor college kid that should not be gambling on sports as it is and I figure I can cut my losses now before it gets too out of hand. As they always say, "there's always next year."

Tyson's Crazy Zany Web Links of the Week:

It looks like the Bears finally lost a game this season in Week Nine. I am gracious that they have been playing so well, but how can you give up six turnovers and lose at home to the Miami Stinkin' Dolphins? Anyways, here is the recap if you didn't see the highlights already.

Check out the Top 20 French Commercials whenever you have the time. Beware, the French have different television standards than we do, so please don't throw a fuss if you end up seeing some nudity.

Until next time,

- Tyson

In the Nick of Time

2006-10-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

As I was watching Game 4 of the World Series that I recorded tonight, I looked at the clock and realized I have only a few minutes before this blog entry is due. Like Albert "Tyson's Personal God" Pujols, I am going to come through in the clutch and deliver when all stakes are against me.

As you might notice, I don't really talk about my fantasy football team in this blog anymore because my players are a bunch of pathetic sissies that couldn't find the end zone if their lives (or my score) depended on it. Thankfully my Cardinals are battling for a World Series ring as you read this and the Chicago Bears are still undefeated in their 2006 campaign. Without those very important distractions, I would sinking in a pool of despair and destruction with every week of tragic defeat.

I really have to go to the bathroom now but I only have 3 minutes before my computer explodes from the intensity of getting this entry in on-time at the last minute. It's also pretty hard to make sure I am following A.P.-style rules when the seconds keep marching towards deadline death. I will try to be quick about this.

Tyson's Links of Greatness:

Google is the greatest thing to ever happen to the internet.

The World Series is all I care about right now.

I love you all,

- Tyson

All is Right in the World

2006-10-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

The clouds have parted to reveal the brilliantly shining sun. The animals of nature have set aside their primal differences to share a moment of glee and harmony. All is right in the world tonight because my beloved St. Louis Cardinals won Game 7 of the National League Championship Series against the New York Mets to claim their ticket to the 2006 World Series (and you thought I was going to say I won a fantasy football game didn't you?). It may not have anything to do with fantasy football or even football in general, but at this moment I can think of nothing else but my overflowing joy to see my Cards celebrate in the middle of the playing field at Shea Stadium in front of all those obnoxious New York fans. It almost brings a tear to my eye.

The ninth inning was insane and dramatic. My heart nearly exploded under the all of the intensity of the moment. The Cardinals are going to the World Series to take on the monstrous Detroit Tigers after surviving a grueling and hard-fought battle in the NLCS. What fate awaits them in the biggest stage in all of baseball?

Speaking of Cardinals, I was fortunate enough to go see the Monday Night Football game between the Arizona Cardinals against my ruthless Chicago Bears. As you probably already know, the game was incredible and was an experience that I will never forget. To read about the heart-stopping event, check out the recap.

Want to see something SCARY? Go check out the The Top Ten Best Ghost Photographs Ever Taken! These are extremely creepy looking after you read the back-stories behind them. Make sure you turn the lights out for this one!

Until next time,

- Tyson

Battle of the Titans (or Pip-squeaks)

2006-10-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

My record in fantasy football may be 0-4 right now, but that doesn't mean I'm the only one. One of my best friends, Bryce, is also deplorably winless as well. The best part about him being 0-4 is that he is easily the cockiest team owner of them all because he thinks he knows everything about football and knows he's going to win it all every year. Much like my terrible luck this season he has also caught the loser bug and hasn't been able to find anything to cheer about so far.

Which leads us to our epic matchup this week to determine WHO WINS, AND WHO MIGHT NEVER WIN. I apologize for the added drama and intensity, but this is probably going to be the biggest game of my season (no matter how sad it is to say that). I think our teams match up fairly well considering that they don't match up with anyone else. This game basically comes down to who's players show up at gameday and who continues to stink it up.

The key to my game here is the performance of one Terrell Owens, otherwise known as "T.O." The general public may hate him and the media might hound him, but I love the guy when he goes out there on the field and scores me a bunch of points on Sunday. The only problem is he tends to get injured time-to-time because every defender on the field wants to knock his head off after watching him on the television all week cut their team down. He's the type of guy that I can't stand when he's off the field, but I love to watch him catch touchdowns on the field.

Big deal deal here is that this week he plays against his old team the Philadelphia Eagles. There is definately some bad blood between T.O. and the Eagles, and what makes it even better is that it is in Philly, which means the Eagles fans will try to eat him alive. It will make for some great television, that is for sure.

Here are my web picks for the week:

Here is an interesting one. The Church of Google, where they claim that Google "is the closest mankind has ever come to directly experiencing an actual God." Some people on the internet are just too clever.

Now this guy is trying to drink coffee at every single Starbucks location in the world, over 12,000 total. I have never been a coffee guy, and this shouldn't change my mind any time soon. It's one of those hobbies that I'm glad I never got into.

And to finish things off, here is a video of my favorite baseball player ever, Albert Pujols:

Until next time,

- Tyson

Moving On Now...

2006-10-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome to another late edition of Fantasy Insanity. Normally I would spend this time explaining the weekend matchup and current state of my fantasy football team in the OJ is Guilty 5 league. I decided that this week is as good as any to deviate from the usual because I am currently on the verge of starting the season 0-4. Let's just call it a case of the "Underachieving Players" syndrome... I would rather not get into it right now because it is a dark and brooding cloud that never leaves the sky above my head.

In order to accomplish something uplifting for a change, I have decided to cover my other football team in more detail this week - namely the UNDEFEATED CHICAGO BEARS. Last night was a battle of the last two undefeated teams in the NFC (National Football Conference). The defending NFC Champion Seattle Seahawks marched into the Windy City to take on the Bears and ended up crawling out of the stadium in agony. With the win, Chicago is now the only unbeaten team in the NFC and can be declared without a doubt the best team in the conference.

The game itself was a joy to watch for any Chicago Bears fan (especially one like me that has been forced to put up with their sloppy play on the field for nearly my entire life). It was like witnessing the creation of an incredible piece of art right before my eyes. The Bears defensive players were like heat-seeking missiles that smothered the ball-carrier instantly on every play. The offense was efficient, coordinated and determined to force their way down the field whenever given the opportunity. It was truly a sight to see with a beer in one hand, a football in the other and the seat of my pants firmly planted in my glorious couch. If I must sacrifice my terrible fantasy team to secure the success of my real NFL team then so be it!

Now enjoy one of the many plays from the game that display the true power of the 2006 Bears team:

My top web picks of the week:

Something that I think you will find pretty interesting is this little project called Miniature Earth. It gives you a pretty solid outlook on the state of humanity on this little pebble we call Earth. I'll go ahead and give this link a "Schwalbe's Choice Award" because I know you will like it.

I read a pretty funny article the other day and I figure I will share the love here. It's a guide on How to Beat Anyone at Rock Paper Scissors. I think the strategy outlined here is flawless.

Until next week, or rather, until Thursday when I totally plan to get my blog in on time this week,

- Tyson

Losing is Not Fun

2006-09-23T17:32:00.000-07:00

I am officially 0-2 for the season so far. Should I go into panic mode already? I am going to try to concoct some crazy trade and offer it to whomever takes pity on my poor team. Both of my runningbacks are listed as questionable for the next week's game and my backup is not playing because his team has a bye week. Basically what this means is I could potentially be without any runningbacks this upcoming game. If that happens, I lose and go 0-3. Yikes.

The only thing that could keep me from weeping in front of everyone at this point is another Chicago Bears win. This week they are playing against their storied division rival, the Minnesota Vikings (whom easily have the ugliest uniforms in all of the National Football League). I can't wait to watch the Bears utterly slaughter the Vikings in their own putrid dome. I am predicting death, doom, and destruction on the field Sunday morning. I want to see it so bad, I'm driving an hour out to the middle of nowhere in Queen Creek to join my best buddy Bryce and his benevolent NFL DirectTV Sunday Ticket subscription. That means that not only am I going to see the Bears murder people, but I'm also going to have the ability to track every one of my fantasy players as they hopefully thrust me into victory in the virtual world. Games start at 10 and I'm still debating on whether or not I want to drink alcohol that early in the day. We'll see.

Straying away from the main topic, I saw something that I thought was incredibly interesting on the Web the other day. It is Wikiquote's list of famous last words. It may sound a bit morbid, but it's actually really fun to read. Some entries are funny, some are sad and some are really inspiring. Make sure you have an hour set aside to tackle this one!

Another corner of the Web that I think is fun to read on a daily basis is Destructoid.com. It's a Web site about video games but it is presented in a skewed perspective that is particularly clever and original. To give you an example of their sense of humor, the line above the big title graphic says "Updated daily or we've been murdered!". Good stuff.

- Tyson

Gambling is Fun

2006-09-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

So my team this year in the OJ is Guilty 5 (deplorable name, I know, but it's tradition now) fantasy football league goes as follows:

QB: Steve "Air" McNair, Baltimore Ravens

RB's: Rudi Johnson, Cincinnati Bengals
Corey Dillon, New England Patriots

WR's: Terrell Owens, Dallas Cowboys
Javon Walker, Denver Broncos
Donte Stallworth, Philadelphia Eagles
Matt Jones, Jacksonville Jaguars

DEFENSE: Seattle Seahawks

And last, and certainly least (because kickers are not real football players) ...

KICKER: Jason Hanson, Detroit Lions

So there you have it, this is the team that is for sure going to win me over $400 when I take them all the way to the Fantasy Super Bowl.

Which brings me to another element of this mind-destructive hobby that I have fallen into - the gambling aspect of it all.

Sports and gambling are nearly synonymous in this day and age and my league has made sure that correlation stays consistent. The buy-in fee for the league is $40 in a 12 team league. That makes the championship prize money almost $500. For a poor college kid like me that figure might as well be a fortune. I could pay off my credit card with that! A monetary stipulation in the league like this results in some pretty intense competition.

With that all being said I guess it is appropriate to now mention that I lost in Week 1 against my buddy (and nemesis) Elliot by 3 stinkin' points. I benched Donte Stallworth against the ailing Houston Texans and he ended up scoring 22 points, easily making me look like a complete idiot. Final score in my first fantasy football game of the season - 94.94 to 97.64

It wasn't the best way to start the season but I have a feeling this year is going to get a lot more interesting as it unfolds (considering I'm writing a blog about it throughout the whole thing).

Here are my Web site picks of the week:

I am a huge Chicago Bears fan and to me the greatest thing that could ever happen to me besides them winning a Super Bowl is DESTROYING THE GREEN BAY PACKERS IN THEIR OWN CRAPPY STADIUM. I'm not using the term "destroying" lightly here folks. The final score was a pleasant 26 to 0.

You can read all about that onslaught here: Bears overwhelm Packers in dominant win

To try and stop the bleeding, the Packers decided to pick up a wide receiver. Too bad it's the receiver that got released from the Vikings for being arrested for one DUI too many whom I mentioned last week. Nice try, Cheese Heads, but that isn't going to help.

- Tyson

The Wacky World of Fantasy Football

2006-09-05T15:20:00.000-07:00

Hello there, welcome to my possibly feeble attempt at putting together a weekly blog that is actually worth reading. In this first post I will be giving a general outlook of what to expect from this corner of the internet over the duration of my last semester at good ol' ASU.

First off I must say that I am downright crazy about sports (yeah, I know, one of those types), so when it came to choosing a topic to write about ad nauseum for months, I just couldn't resist. But which sport should I select, considering that my head would definately explode if I tried to cover them all in one stinkin' blog? We are at a point in the calendar year where it is considered amongst many to be the best months of the year in all of sports. Not only do we have the Major League Baseball playoffs rapidly approaching, but the NBA is also looming near and best of all: NFL Football season begins tonight with the Miami Dolphins set on a crash-course with the defending Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers!

Which brings me to the entire purpose of this blog: to publish my thoughts on the NFL and my interrelated fantasy football teams as the Gladiators of the Gridiron battle their way through the season in hopes of ultimate victory.

Of course now you're probably saying "Fantasy football? What in tarnation is that?" or maybe "Oh yeah... fantasy football (rolls eyes)." If you said the former, then let me explain. Fantasy football has recently caught the nation by storm as more and more football fans take the time to learn how to use the internet to their advantage (my girlfriend still hasn't made it quite that far yet). To put it as simply as possible, fantasy football is an online game where each player owns a team composed of different real players from around the National Football League. How those players perform in the real games determines how many points you score in the fantasy games. Each league starts with a "Draft" much like the real NFL Draft where each team owner selects their players round by round. The fantasy teams then go head-to-head each week in sync with the real NFL schedule. Am I making any sense right now?

My friends and I have been playing together in a league for 5 years now, and boy has it escalated into fantasy insanity at this point. Get this: it costs FORTY dollars to get into the 12-team league, which means the winner of the whole thing wins nearly 500 bucks, which could easily pay off my credit card bill. The league draft had a strict dress code and had catering and everything. My point is: we are all completely out of our minds and loving every moment of it.

To give you a better idea of what I have gotten myself into, here's a picture of me (on the far left in a $500 suit, I might add) making my 5th-round pick:

And here is me right afterwards finding out that my 5th-round pick was arrested for a DUI that week and will be suspended for the season:

Let's just say that I was not very pleased so I will abstain from posting a picture of the aftermath.

Now that I have given a quick rundown of what I plan to do with this blog, I'll let you know that I fully intend to make it as interesting as possible, even to professors that potentially do not care the least bit about football or fantasy football or sports in general.

This should be good. Hopefully.

- Tyson